Kaleidoscopic Ramblings

I know, I know, not yet another rant about racism. See this isn’t exactly a rant about racism as such, don’t get me wrong, I’m completely against it, BUT…

In my idea of a perfect world, there will be no such thing as racism, in fact, it will be as if it never even existed. Every single day we get it drilled into our heads “Racism is bad. Apartheid was monstrous.” I get it. It was horrible and unforgivable and nothing like that should ever be allowed to happen again.

But don’t you think that it’d be better if we all just forgot about it and lived happily ever after? I mean, most of the youth today wasn’t even around for apartheid, why are we bringing it up all the time? When anything bad happens to us, we’re taught from a young age to come to terms with it and then forgive and forget. But with apartheid it doesn’t work like that. Why not?

Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where people were judged on their ability to perform, not on the colour of their skin or for that matter by gender? I get that it’s trying to right the injustices of the past, but by righting these injustices, are we not creating more? By distinguishing between black women, white men, Indian men, coloured women, are we not creating a barrier between all people?

I honestly and truly believe that certain things should just be left in the past. If we left it in the past and treated every person as just that, a person regardless of colour, gender, sexual orientation, perhaps we could finally all just be one.

But hey, this is just the ever hopeful imaginings of one colour-blind girl.

The problem with feminists is that they want to be seen as equal, but only for so long as it suits them.  They want to be seen as one of the guys, until one of the actual guys says something offensive.  Then they’re all up in arms about how “you can’t say that in front of a woman”.  Oh and just a general notice, this is very much a generalisation, I’m not talking about individuals here.

There’s a big hoopla at the moment about some stupid shirts that are selling in stores:

“I put the STD in stud, all I need is U” – Unless you’re a complete moron, this is in no way promoting unsafe sex. Nobody who reads this is going to go out and get themselves an STD. This is more like a reaaaaally bad pick up line. You know, like those ones we laugh about constantly. “Baby, my name is Fred Flinstone and I can make your bedrock!” or “You turn my floppy disk into a hard drive”. Honestly, it’s nothing to get offended about, nobody means it seriously. And besides, anyone who actually has an STD is not going to be wearing a shirt declaring it.

“You looked better… from behind” – offensive to women? I think not. If I wanted to I could go in to that shop, buy that shirt and wear it. Do you think men would be offended? No, because they’re not pathetic. Once again ever heard of the expression “nice from far, but far from nice?” men and women say this all the time. It’s the same thing.

“SINGLE: Stay Intoxicated Nightly Get Laid Every day” – Really? Most single men are out drinking with their other sad single friends and making sex jokes because they are not actually getting any action, and single women are usually complaining about how they wish they had a boyfriend as sweet and thoughtful as their friend’s boyfriend. Shirts like this one exist to try and make the single person feel like they’re not as sad and lonely as they actually are.

“How to get laid: borrow your dad’s Porsche, flash a lot of cash, lie and tell her you love her.” –  Ah the gold digger. There’s a reason why this thought that women can be bought exists. It’s because it’s true. Not in all cases, don’t get me wrong, but there are most definitely women that if these things happened, would ‘put out’. If you’re one of them, then you have no reason to be offended because it’s true, and if you’re not one of them, then you have no reason to be offended because it’s not aimed at you. So what’s the issue?

Maybe if women stopped being so whiney and took themselves seriously, then men would too. I’ve personally never had a problem where I’ve been treated as less than equal to a man, because when a situation arises, I assert myself. Oh a man said something rude? If you don’t like what he’s saying, walk away. A man made a sexual comment? He’s a man for goodness sake, of course he made a sexual comment, say something shocking like “that’s what your mom said last night”, like any one of his guy friends would have, and guaranteed he’ll be less likely to do it again. And most of all, stop being so offended about every little thing, it honestly doesn’t matter what some dumbass thinks of you or your gender, we all know that women have the boobs and so we have the power.

Let me start by mentioning that it is common courtesy to tip your waiter 10% of the bill total (oh 10% of the bill, is not R10), you can tip more if you feel you got fantastic service, or less if you really feel that you got cheated. However, please take note of the following.

Your waiter:

• Is only human, and not a robot or a superhero.

•Probably has between 3 and 5 tables of between 2 and 8 people to keep happy at any given time. That works out at an average of 20 people that your waiter needs to help.

• When you order your drink with ‘just three blocks of ice’ your waiter has to remember this and physically go to the person who is making the drinks for the entire shop (yes, there’s usually only one or two people doing this) and ask them for three blocks of ice. All this while also remembering that the table next to yours wants no onion rings on their garnish and the one next to that wants two burgers on one plate, one with no sauce and one without a roll. And they probably have to remember this off the top of their head because when you’re ordering, you think they write at superhuman speeds.

• May not seem very friendly to you, but perhaps they’re just having an off day, perhaps they’ve been screamed at by a customer to ‘feel my meat! Touch it! Does it feel warm to you?’ when they have absolutely nothing to do with how the food is made. And perhaps this same customer has then degraded them by asking what tip they feel ‘they deserve’ in a very rude tone and then proceeding to tip them 2%. All for something that the kitchen staff did wrong and that was fixed within 5 minutes by just heating it up on the grill.

• While your waiter is busy serving all these many difficult people, he also has to find the time to meet and greet new guests as they come in the door, he/she then has to take that person’s drink order and give it to the waiter whose table it is.

•Is probably being screamed at to fetch the food that’s waiting, as well as drinks that are waiting (on either ends of the shop) and then has to sort out which to do first.

• Also has to remember exactly which sauces you ordered with your food, 20 minutes after you ordered it. Things like sauces and toast, butter for your baked potato and sour cream, the waiter has to dish up him/herself, whilst being shouted at to hurry up.

• Has to print the bill on the one working printer in the shop that 20 other waiters are also trying to use.

• Has to deal with rude co-workers who jump queues.

• Often has to find another waiter to help them carry their 10 plates to your table (a waiter may not send the food in stages, it all has to go out at once), this can take anywhere up to 15 minutes, because all the waiters are busy.

• Sometimes has to go to the back and do dishes themselves because the kitchen staff isn’t cleaning the things they need at the time.

• Has to deal with faulty computers that sometimes glitch and then order whatever they feel like. Your waiter then has to find a manager (there are usually only two or three around and are notoriously difficult to find) to sort this out before he/she takes you your bill.

So next time you feel like you’re receiving bad service, try to look at it from the waiter’s point of view… And lastly, if you decide to give your waiter a 50 cents tip after they pandered to your every need for 3 hours, rather keep it, as that’s just adding insult to injury.

Today it crossed my mind while I was driving on a busy road that the rules of the road are stupid. I mean why are they even there? It’s not like they were developed to prevent accidents and stuff. So I’ve come to show you those of you who think you know how to drive, how the rest of the world drives. You know all those things you learnt when you were practicing for your licence? Fuhgetaboutit!

Here’s all you need to know to be a fantastic driver.

This is a stop sign. There’s no need to stop at it and no need to make sure that it’s your turn to drive, you’re in a rush, who cares about the other people? They have breaks don’t they? So just drive.

This is a red traffic light. According to what you learnt it means stop at all costs. However! “At all costs” obviously does not include if it’s only just turned red. As long as you drive really fast through it, you’ll be okay.

I know you think this is a yield sign, trying to make you slow down and watch for other cars, but you’re wrong. This is in fact just an upside down triangle that’s put up for decoration, you can admire it’s beauty while you speed on by.

Speaking of speed. This is the speedometer. It shows how fast you’re driving, only look at this if you start feeling like you’re driving too slow, because if this drops below 100 kilometers per hour your car’s whole engine will explode and you also might only get to the next red light a few seconds later. (Oh the horror!)

They say this red line means no stopping. But they’re just kidding. Seriously, you can stop here. (This works particularly well if you drive a taxi bus, and you stop suddenly while there’s a line of cars behind you who are all driving at 100)

And now for the bonus part of the lesson! The added extras they put on your car, just for fun.

The manufacturers of cars put this convenient little ashtray in the car for all you wonderful people who put some perfectly healthy smoke and other poisonous crap in your lungs. But just like the yield sign, it’s actually just there for decoration, you wouldn’t want to put actual cigarette butts in there because then your car would be dirty and gross. What you’re supposed to do is ash out your window and throw your cigarette butts on the ground too (By the way, if there’s a field of dry grass out there, that’s a fantastic place to throw the rest of your still lit cigarette!). Honestly, who doesn’t like seeing cigarette butts all over the place?

And the last pointless added extra is the indicator. DO NOT BOTHER USING THIS! After all, the people behind you can guess where you’re going. People are telepathic these days. but just in case they don’t catch on, maybe you should put your indicator on when you’re busy turning. Yes, that will be helpful.

You can thank me later for all my useful insights into driving.

Today several things made me say “really?” in disbelief.

The first occurred as I was walking from one class to the next. I overheard a part of a conversation that just made me think “wow.” A guy was busy telling whoever he was with about money and interest rates, when he turned and asked his friend “What’s a 100% of R400? It’s R400 right?”. The fact that he even had to ask that question made me wonder how he ever got into university in the first place. He must be studying for a BA degree ;)

The next is a fun story (it’s actually pretty brutal). Today at work, one of the women that makes desserts, P, hit the other lady, D, in the face with a bottle thing that whips cream (forgive me for not knowing what it’s called, but in my defense, it is very late right now). I thought I’d share that since it’s not something that ever happens.

In other news, today was highly productive! We have a group project in one of our subjects, Legal Skills. Now let me first explain what Legal Skills is. You know in high school you have Life Orientation? Well Legal Skills is Life Orientation for law. It’s a whole bunch of pointlessness that everyone hates. This project, however, seems to be panning out much better than expected. We have to make a film based on anything we’ve learnt in law thus far. My group has decided to go the route of teen pregnancy. (I know, I know, it’s been done to death, but wait til you see our version, which I’ll upload as soon as it’s done.)

That’s all folks! (I hope that’s not a copyrighted line)